Livin' on a prayer
by supernatural-silverwords
Summary: A Supernatural story/fanfic. The episode Faith 12x1, through the Layla Rourke eyes.
1. Prologue

**When you believe **

Prologue

The day before:

Trough the glass I could see the stars, up high, in the sky. Since 5 months, that I couldn't do anything else, but look at the stars when the nigh fell and try to tell between on day and the other if anything in the sky had changed, if the stars would still be in the same place. If in any of them, the light would go out just like that.

But I couldn't, or probably I just didn't want to. I felt too sacred. I didn't show it. For my mum. I tried to think positive, and I could, most of the time.

Because life is scary and you can't do anything else but accept what the hell hits you in the day.

My mum would cry sometimes in the bathroom, she didn't want me to see it. But I knew it. I might be blond, but I knew my mum. Every night she will put up this happy face, hopefull, and make a comfortable conversation about how our lives would turn out after that, because I would survive, and about 1 hour later, breakup in tears. I guess it was her way of handling it. Well my way, was pretending that nothing happened, I don't know which one was the worse, see as it is and be scared as shit, or see it, put pretend as it wasn't there. At least, my way, I could make trough the day without making myself a rag.

The bathroom door opened, my mum came out, her eyes were kind of red. She had been crying.

"Mum…" I said.

My mum soot at the couch

"Mum, if you need a distraction, let's walk, or go downstairs, with aunt Mary."

"You know I don't stand aunt Mary."

"For me…?" It was unfair, but I though that if I could bring the family a bit more together.

My mum never liked Mary, uncle's Charlie's wife. They always had fought and I had started to think that they always would.

"Layla." She looked at me, with a don't do that to me kind of expression.

"Ok then… Let's just stay here, and…" I leaned forward press the _on_ botton of the radio, music started playing "Listen to some music". I leaned back, and looked at my mum. "Talk…" I smiled.

**The song that was playing was **_**Silent Lucidity**_** from ****Queensryche.** _**There's a place I like to hide**__**  
**__**A doorway that I run through in the night**_ _**  
**__**Relax child, you were there**__**  
**__**But only didn't realize and you were scared**__**  
**__**It's a place where you will learn**__**  
**__**To face your fears, retrace the years**__**  
**__**And ride the whims of your mind**__**  
**__**Commanding in another world**_ _**  
**__**Suddenly you hear and see**__**  
**__**This magic new dimension**__**  
**_

We talked. Talked about the day that was coming, I didn't want to, but. My mum did.

"It's going to be tomorrow. I can feel it."

"Mum." I smiled. "Thanks for not quitting on me." I was starting to get emotional.

"Don't lose faith Layla, don't lose faith."

"I know Mum. I won't"

I didn't tell her that, but I though that I had more faith than her, she was just trying to relax.

"Tomorrow, is going to be you my sweetheart. It has to be." I didn't say anything, just because we had had that talk over and over, and I always said the same thing. "We saw so many doctors…" Her eyes started to tear. "This is our only chance." She looked at me. "It's our sixth time, tomorrow" She said slowly, putting a bit of emphasis on the sixth.

I was getting tired o hearing that. And I started to think that she was more worried about her, and her sadness than me. My though was shellfish and like I said I was tired and after hearing the same thing. In my head I asked for forgiveness, _God please forgive me._

I had always been a religious person, all my life, I think more by influence that for choice, but never really _believed_ in God, not that I doubted that He existed but for lack of prove, well I was glad that since 2 years ago since my dad died, I started to pray more, and the feeling that something bigger existed started to grow deeper.


	2. First glance at Dean

**When you believe**

**I**

I was getting out of the car, it was cold outside. We had went to that morning session, well, once again it hadn't been me.

_The Sixth time._ I keep saying in my head. Some people would go there for one day and get chosen… I started to wonder if the problem was me, If I really diverse this. Disserved to be cured.

People were arriving, going in, crying on the corner, and that man was still there, on the middle of the parking lot, yelling, spreading the word that that Roy was a bust a fake healer. I liked to believe he wasn't.

My mum went to look up Mrs. LeGrange. I stood there, waiting for her, I didn't say anything, but I was scared of going inside and not getting chosen again… So I waited. Has I was looking around, a black car came into the parking lot, looked away, looking for my mum. I saw her coming from the corner, I prayed I little to myself.

My mum made me a sign to walk in, I started to walk, her tow deep voices talking, from the tow man in front of me.

"You know what I've got faith in? Reality. Knowing what's really going on. " One of the man said.

"How can you be a skeptic? With the things we see everyday?"

_What kind of things?_

"Exactly. We see them, we know they're real."

"But if you know evil's out there, how can you not believe good's out there, too?"

"Because I've seen what evil does to good people."

I stepped in the front, standing there, I smiled.

Two good looking men. One was taller and more tanned than the other, had darker green eyes and his hair was also darker and longer. The other man, was the last that had spoken, light brown hair, naturally undone, light green eyes and a slight golden tanne, his lips were attractive and he looked sick, he looked fragil. They were both tall and handsome, also musculated.

"Maybe God works on mitirious ways." I said, looking at them.

"Maybe he does." Said the one with light hair. He smirked.

I smiled.

"Yeah, I am sure." I kind of laughed.

He extended his hand.

"I'm Dean. This is Sam."

"Layla."

"So, if you are not a believer, then why are you here?" I asked, maybe I shouldn't have.

"Well, apparently my brother here believes enough for both of us." Said Dean.

Dean, seemed like he didn't want be there. I wondered why would someone even if they were not a believer do not want to be saved.

"Come on, Layla. It's about to start." My mum. She rested her hand I my shoulder pushing me into the tent.

I soot. People were entiring, I heard Dean and Sam voices behind me, they soot, right there.

The reverend started to talk.

"Each morning, my wife, Sue Ann, reads me the news. Never seems good, does it?"

The people agree with him. He keeps going.

"Seems like there's always someone committing some immoral, unspeakable act. But, I say to you, God is watching. God rewards the good, and He punishes the corrupt."

The people answer, some nodding, cheering, and murmuring.

"Who does the healing here, friends? The Lord who guides me in choosing who to heal by helping me see into people's hearts."

I, and probably most of the people in there herd:

"Yeah, or into our wallets!" It seemed like Dean's voice.

That made me a little sad.

"You think so, young man?" Said Roy.

"Sorry." He seemed embarrassed.

"No, No. Don't be. Just watch what you say around a blind man, we've got real sharp ears.

The people laughed and I kind of smiled, I looked at my mum, she didn't.

"What's your name son?"

"Dean."

"Dean, I want-I want you to come up here up here with me."

"It's okay…"

"What are you doing?" Sam.

"Well, you came here, to be healed. Didn't you?" Roy asked.

I wanted him to get healed, at the same time, I was getting tired of believing, tired of hopping it would be me. For so many times, we had talked to Roy, to Sue Ann. They will always say, _The Lord is the ones who picks, try to pay more. Layla's turn will come._ And now he didn't even wanted to go up there…

"Well yeah, but…"

"Oh no, I didn't pick you. The Lord did."

The people cheered yelling things like _That's right!, Come on!, Yeah!._

I was close enough to them to hear Sam saying:

"Get up there!"

Dean walks to the stage, he seemed hurt, and like I said fragile. He also looked uncomfortable.

"You ready?" Said Roy, probably when he listened Dean's steps.

"Look, no disrespect. But I am not exactly a believer."

"You will be, son. You will be. Pray with me, friends"

Everybody lifted their hand, my mom was obviously reluctant. Roy places is hand in Dean's shoulder, slowly Roy moves his hand to Dean's forehead, for some reason I was nervous, I always were when it got to this part but now I was more. Suddenly Dean's eyes glaze over.

"Alright, now. Alright, now."

I was watching Dean's face. He was starting to look dizzy and very weak. He closed his eyes and fell on his knees.

"Alright, now. Alright, now." Roy kept going.

Dean falls down. The people cheered, raised their hands, like they were thanking.

"Dean!" Sam screams for his brother, running towards the stage, going up and shaking Dean's head. "Say something!"

Dean opened his eyes. He was gasping for air.

Dean rested his hand on Sam shoulders and got up on his feet. He didn't look so weak anymore, he was better, I could see it.

"Hey." Said Sam.

"I'm-I'm fine." Answer Dean, still kind of disorientated.

Dean glanced at me, I wanted to smile but for some reason I didn't. Then he looked at his brother, like he wanted to say something but couldn't. I got a weird feeling from the expression he was making while he looked at his brother. I noticed his clothe, Dean was wearing a black jacket, under a hoody, dark one, and underneath that a black sweater, where the hoody leaned forward, dark jeans and dark boots.

My mom holds my harm, and I followed her. When we got outside she looked around, she wanted to talk to Sue, I knew that. And I also knew that after the second setion from the day, Roy doesn't talk to anyone, and so did she… We had to part, today, or my mom would have to talk with aunt Mary to solve some stuff. She didn't want to but did, at the same time, and so did I.

Of course, Sue had disappeared and I looked around watching the people, sick looking, sad and depressed walking home, into their cars to ride trough another lonely road, until they got to a bed where they could lay down.

"Mom, let's go."

"Wait I saw her… I-I.."

"Come on mom."

I took her with me.

"I'll drive." I said, my mom got into the car very quickly. I walk more slowly, looking around, and I cached Dean and Sam getting into a black old vintage car, parked in the other side of the park.


	3. Solving family problems

**When you believe**

**II**

I drove to uncle Charlie's, as fast as I could, the whole trip was passed in silence. When we got home unfortunately aunt Mary was outside, I understood her, poor woman, my mom wasn't an easy woman to deal with, probably if she wasn't my mom I wouldn't stand her. Aunt Mary stopped what she was doing, and stared at my mom.

"Daniel I need to talk to you" She said on the most normal tone she could pull of with my mom.

"I know, not now!"

"Hi aunt Mary." I went to greet her.

"Hi sweaty, so how was it?"

"It…" I hesitated. "It wasn't."

"Honey…" She tried say something, but my mom…

"Layla, come with me, I want to talk to you."

I smiled to aunt Mary, and walked to the stares.

"And, Mary, don't worry, I am coming in 2 minutes."

I was surprised. I looked at aunt Mary she controlled her expression, she just nodded.

Upstaires, my mom took of her jacket. I stood up in my feet looking at her she seemed to upset.

We talked, again for 5 minutes. My mom went downstairs to talk to aunt Mary. I was now peaking through the window, they had gone inside. I felt like a child!

_I am 27 years old for God's sake!_

I got through the goddamn door, and went downstairs.

They were in the kitchen, not arguing.

But, when I got in, they got quiet.

"I am not 5, you know."

"We know honey…" Said aunt Mary.

"I got a saying, in the middle of all this." I walked to them and placed myself in the middle. "So… I can get my things and go, I love you both, but I am not a kid. And I want to be helped, I do, but I am not considering this helping, right now, it hasn't done anything else but making everything worse."

They both stared at me.

"I just want to get things solved." Pulled a chair and stood down, next to them, felling the tears hiding in my eyes, wanting to peak outside, while smiling. Hoping they would sit down next to me, praying that this time everything would be worked out, the right way. But, I think I knew it would never be completely solved… I still had hope. I was not a quitter.


	4. Dean at Legrange's

**When you believe**

**III**

I looked up, through the car's window, to the grey clouds, and smiled…

The trees passed by, like they always would. I hold my hands together on my lap and pried, this voice inside my head that gave me hope grew fonder and stronger and this was one of those moments when I think I could say _I believe_.

The trees stopped passing by, and the car was now parked.

I got out, the parking lot was empty, I, with my naïve, 7-year-old look in my eyes walk to Sue Ann and Roy's door. And has I was walking up the stairs, I heard the door open and in sted of Sue Ann's voice, I heard this steps, looked up and:

"Dean. Hey." I was surprised.

"Hey." He didn't look nothing like the man I saw in that morning.

"How are you feeling?" I just couldn't avoid the question.

"I feel good. Cured, I guess. What are you doing here?"

"Layla?" I heard, it was Sue-Ann.

"Yes. I'm here again."

"Well, I'm sorry, but Roy is resting, and he won't be seeing anyone else right now." Sue Ann looked like she meant what she was saying.

"Sue Ann, please." I could feel my mom behind me. "This is our sixth time, he has got to see us."

"Roy is well aware of Layla's situation. And he very much wants to help just as soon as the Lord allows. Have faith, Mrs. Rourke."

Sue Ann goes inside.

My mom goes up one step of the stairs and turns to Dean.

"Why are you still even here? You got what you wanted." The cruel tone that she used hurt me.

"Mom. Stop." He might not be a believer, and he might not wanted to be healed, but he was become Roy saw something, in his heart. So, He didn't deserved that.

"No, Layla, this is too much. We've been to every single service. If Roy would stop choosing these strangers over you. Strangers who don't even believe. I just can't pray any harder."

"Whats wrong Layla?" Dean was concerned, he's voice… He looked me in the eyes.

I hesitated.

"I have this thing…"

"It's a brain tumor. It's inoperable. In six months, the doctors say..."

I rested my hand in my mom's shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I smiled.

"No, it isn't." My mum interrupted, turning once again to Dean. "Why do you deserve to live more than my daughter?"

Tears started to come to my eyes. Seemed like everybody deversed to live more than I did.

Dean didn't drive his eyes a way, I guess he didn't want us to see how much that that affected him, so he stood still, but his look was painful, somehow what my mom said, hurt him somewhere in his mind, in his soul. I knew what was like to suffer and to hide it. It hurt me seeing him like that, seeing him like that because of my mom.

He didn't know what to say. He felt threatened by my mum, and also surprise by the frontal way that she approached him.

My mom turned her back on him. My tears started to burst, and I just couldn't stay there, looking at him. Though, I haven't talked to someone besides my family for a long time. It was something that felt right to do. Talk to him.

But I, got down the stairs. My feet touched the wet mud, and I tried to swallow my tears, I turned around.

He was looking at me, he was sad, at least he seemed so.

"Layla… I'm…"

"So sorry?"

He didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry, is just that I get that a lot. Dean…"

He dropped some steps.

I took a paper of my jacket, and I pen of my bag. Wrote down some parts of the bible, that might be helpful. While I sobbed. He had been cured, and I wasn't going to let a man, that had just been cured walk around with no faith, and no stretch to believe. I knew what a gesture like this would look like to a man. But I did it anyways, and once again hoped he would understand.

"Read this… If you want." I smiled, at least I tried, and in that very moment I felt ashamed for the gelesie I felt, when he's name was called. "I guess… I'll see you around." I smiled this time, it was starting to rain again.

"Yeah." He saved the paper, and gave me a little smirk, he's eyes, were still observing me, sad. "Later…"

I walked to the car.

Before I got in the car I looked back, I felt this shy tear go down my face, and he still was there. He smiled, I did to…


	5. The dream

**When you believe**

**IV**

It was Dawn. I was reading a book, my mom was downstairs, I know she didn't want to, but she was making an effort and that's what matters.

Dean came to my mind. I couldn't focus right that day, he kept coming… In those mixed feelings, because one more time I hadn't been chosen, and I couldn't stay for much longer, for the fact that he was stranger to Roy, for the fact that I wasn't and for the fact that I loved his little smirk… And all that put together was really annoying and pleasant at the same time... I didn't know why this was happening now, with him. I didn't know why I felt so attracted to him… He was a handsome man, but it couldn't be that, I've had met attractive men before and didn't felt this way… I couldn't say I was in love with him, I only had met him that morning… Though he still had affected me.

I changed my though, consciously. I would be going to the next service, the day after tomorrow, it was my last chance… _Aunt Mary is an angle._

That though brought up Dean… I got up from the couch. _5 minutes break, may I?_

_An angle…_ I thought to myself… Now it was getting kind of funny the pranks that my mind played on me. The doctors said that I probably would start having hallucinations. Weird thoughts. Vision defects. Speech defects… I felt pretty aware of myself. They also had said that would happen…

_What if, Dean is a prank?_

Something deep inside wished it wasn't…

I just liked him. And so what? He was a good man. At least I had intentions to get to him enough to make that statement… I couldn't explain it, but something in him seemed so… So… I sighed.

Behind his face, behind all that manhood… He felt damaged…

The sick man, I had seen that morning was still there, somewhere. He might be cured now from whatever he had, fisicly, which I wondered about. But, inside…? I didn't believe Roy could heal someone from that kind of illness. Not that I believed God didn't want to heal people of those kind of harm. But Roy just couldn't.

And for people like Dean, there's only hope… Because, that kind of pain… It felt to me that, it was part of him…_ Dean._ Part of who he is. And affects everything he does. Every thought he has. I wished I could hold him in my arms, I sighted…

A smiled twisted my lips, it tortured them making them twist to that though.

I leaned my body next to window. The day was falling, and the stars were there, waiting. My fingers touched the glass, I felt the cold. The cold candor. My mind was somewhere else now.

The door opened.

I turned around.

"Mom!"

"Hey sweaty!" She smiled, happy. "What were you thinking about?"

I straightened my body, rested my hand on my neck, sighing out thoughts and hopes.

"Nothing… Just passing the time." I said smiling.

"Oh."

I walked to my mom.

"I am going t grocery store with aunt Mary."

I was happy.

"Really? Oh mom." I was thrilled. "That is so good! Do you want me to go with you?"

"No, baby, you don't need to. Just rest."

With her hand she hold some of my blonde hair that was hanging, and caressed me with a sweat gesture.

"I love you, my child."

"I know, I love you mom."

I hugged her. We stood there a bit.

Then she picked her bag and jacket. I went outside with her. Weaved at aunt Mary.

The wind blowed and the cold blooded twilight breeze froze my bones. I went inside. Turned the couch to the window, turned off the main light, and lighted the lamp next to the couch. Got a book, covered myself with a blanket and on a lonely night tried to kept all my thoughts away and just, rest.

Sometime later I was already checking the watch, 15 minutes had passed by. I tossed the book aside, got my feet next to my body, and sighed again. Now the image of the address I had written below the bible citations that I gave to Dean, was making me anxious, the phone number too, but the phone hadn't range.

_Maybe he left town…_ _Why would he?_

_Why wouldn't he?_

He was cured, healthy again, a grown handsome man. With a mind of his own…

_Later…_ He had said it. I smiled.

I didn't wanted a feeling of anger for Dean. I might felt hurt, by the promises that Roy had made us, and hadn't followed through. For all the money we had spent. And a part of me, blamed him for that. I prayed not to.

I tried to look at him, as a protection

I looked up. A dark night, breathing heavily through the trees, painted the view.

I lost myself trying to tell the stars between the dark clouds. I rolled myself in the blanket and chanced position once in a while. I remembered all the fairy tales, all the terror movies, all the legends. The night might be scary. But the it owns its secrets keeps us running until the sun rises. Maybe if there was always a Sun up high in the sky, life wouldn't so good anymore, enthusiast, dreamy and even dramatic. And those secrets… Well saved as hell, that's what I though.

Roy healed people, why him?

I guess I would never know that too.

I rest my head in the pillow and my thoughts drowned in the deepness of the night. And I lost track of time.

Now, I am walking on road. It is a dark night. No buildings, no anything… on the lights of a long American gravel road.

I hear a car, and I turn around… The lights were making my eyes hurt, the car pulled next to me.

A tall attractive guy comes out.

"Need a ride?" He says with a smirk.

I lean my body on his car.

"You tell me." I said.

He walks towards me, with his hands on his pockets.

He's body, is _so_ close to mine, I felt his breath in my ear, my body got stiff… My skin shivered.

"I think you do…" he says.

He places his hands on the car, his arms are close the sides of my head, then he slides one of them to my hip.

He bites my ear… Then, backs his face and I see his green eyes, his lips… They were so sexy and sassy, he bites his lower lip.

My body curves to him, I arch my back and I feel his muscles on my chest… My hands go all the way to his neck, his hair I push my body closer… He kisses my neck. I let my arms hug his body.

All over sudden, we're on a bedroom… I feel his hands under my clothe. He's body behind me, his arms touching my body. _Not fair_… His lips on my neck, his breath…

I was not seeing where I was walking, my eyes were closed, and my breath was very fast…

I tried to turn around, I wanted to feel the sexy lips that I felt kissing my neck on mine… I imagined it, just with that thought I mowed.

_Please, God. Forgive me…_

I graved his jacket, pulled it, and our body's crushed into a wall, he's body squeezed mine, he stopped kissing me for a while, he was trying to tell me something on my ear, but he couldn't.

"You can't do that to a woman…" I said with my check against the wall.

I felt his smirk on my the skin of my neck. He touched me _those lips_ against my skin, all the way through my air to the other side of my neck, he get my hair of his lips way, with a slight move. I fell his tongue, his kiss was sweet, like he was trying to tell me he respected me.

I push my body to turn around, and his lips hit my check. I look him on the eyes… For a long time we looked each other, I felt his clothe, I started to pull his jacket of his shoulders. It fell on the ground. I felt his skin from his arms. He hold my hand, pressed into the wall, pushed it up, putting my arm over my head. With the other, he felt my body, going through my back and pressing my hips against his.

I tried to pull his shirt off his body. It was hard, I couldn't focus right… But somehow his shirt came off, he backed off and his golden skin was so… hot.

He kissed me with so much desire that my head hit the wall.

I hugged him… I was going on the flow, right now I would do anything, I just had lost notion. He is pushing me to the bed, I take my jacket off, my body falls down. He unties my belt without stop kissing me, in wherever place his mouth would reach.

He sits on he's knees and holds me against him, his fingers carved my skin and somehow he rips my shirt off.

With only my lingerie on, I try to untie his belt, and after that, he pushes my body back into the bed and slips his jeans off. Our bodies melted into each other. His hot skin against mine… The sweat. His breath… He moaned… His fingers in my hair, his lips in my body… I hadn't felt something like that a long time ago, and, if I ever had.

I was gasping for air, now I'm on the couch…

_Gosh, what a dream…_

I rested my hand on my head, I was sweaty. I helped my body with my other hand to sit right. For some moments I just stood still, I wanted to understand… I closed my eyes, and I saw these light green eye color… In my head, a lower lip bite… And I could almost feel his breath…

I could only remember some parts of my dream, I felt so bad, disrespecting him like that. Lust… _Oh my God!_

I open my eyes and tried to think about something else… Looked at the watch to check the time, _21:03._

My mum had left about 1 hour ago.

_I couldn't believe myself, was all that can't-stop-thinking-about-you a sexual attraction? Was it Lust?_ I didn't want to believe in that...

I was confused… I didn't even…

Someone knocked at the door I turned around praying it wouldn't be my mum. _Not now, I need to think…_

My body was on fire… I still didn't have enough air on my lungs.

I got up. I needed some water and something cold to eat, so I could pass over the state my body was, and think right.

I open the door. And for good or for bad… it was Dean.

_Oh no, not now…_


	6. Ramble on

**When you believe**

**V**

"Hey" Dean says.

It was cold outside. I felt the air freezing my body.

"Hey…" I tried to smile, but my eyes flew on his body now, I made a little effort to look at his face.

The ice cold wind hitted my body making my body go from fire to ice, the temperature difference made me a bit dizzy.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I smiled, I was looking him on the eyes, the green, the same green I had seen in my dream made me guilty of my thoughts…

"Yeah." Said while I rubbed my eyes. "Just fell asleep on the couch!" I smiled.

"Oh. Maybe I should let you rest." He said, he was starting to turn around.

"No!" I said, grabbing his arm.

He looked at me surprised.

"Dean, I want to talk with you…" I explained. "Come." I smiled.

I didn't know if that was the best ideia, letting a man that I had met that morning in my house, but I wasn't afraid of him, some reason I wasn't.

I closed the door, I didn't have a jacket on, only the blanket, my blue Saturday sweater, a pair of pants of my training suit, and sooks. I didn't want him to see me with these kind of close on, I hold the blanket closer.

"It's cold isn't it?"

"Yeah" He smirked, I laughed, of his smirk…

"Layla, are you sure you're ok? You are a bit pail."

"I'm fine, don't worry."

But my view started to get a little grey, and I didn't feel my legs anymore.

"Layla?"

My head hurt. And the next thing I knew:

"Layla? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah." I said trying to realize what happened.

I opened my eyes, slowly. I wasn't seeing everything yet. But I was sitting, on a wooden chair.

Dean was kneed on my side.

I smiled.

"Thanks." I said. I was grateful.

I knew it, he was good, otherwise he wouldn't have helped me.

"Don't you want to go to sleep? I can go…" He said.

"Maybe." I was scared my mom, would get home, and see him there.

"Are you feeling okay enough to get up?"

"Yeah, just give me a glass of water."

I could see now. Dean got up. I rested my elbow in the table and rested my head.

"How did you know I was home?" I noticed my voice was sweeter than normal.

He took a glass from the drainer.

"I saw your car, outside. And I saw a bit of light inside, so I came…"

"I'm glad you did." I was kind of speaking to myself. After I said it, was too late to take it back. And I realized, how what I had just said, could be and influence of my dream.

He hesitated, turned around and glanced at me. He seemed like he was careful around me, he had empathy for me, and he liked me. I smiled, embarrassed.

I was embarrassed; I could see his full body now. Dark jeans, brown boots, a dark green jacket, a green t-shirt that matched with his eyes and over that, and under the dark jacket, a casual sark colored of brown, white, and green chess, and this neck less, that I hadn't seen before. He was tall, and his muscles were proportional, natural, like he didn't go to a gym, he bowed his legs a bit, on this sexy. I wondered what kind of job made him look like _that_. He could be a cop, or from the FBI, a marshal?

Stupidly or not, I felt comfortable around him, he made me feel safe… Of course I pondered the fact that didn't met he was safe to be around. Was I having in things, too much? I was starting to think, that all those pranks my mind was making me, were happening because of the fact that I was desperate.

In 5 months I was going to die. That's what the doctors said. And I had nothing… no family, no children. I wasn't hoping he would want to stay with me, I guess I just wanted to dream a little bit and pretend that I the brain tumor that grew in my head wouldn't eventually take power of my body, and keep me from dreaming and feeling alive.

I felt my eyes getting wet.

He was walking to the table. He rested the glass in the table, I smiled.

"Thank you."

I drank a little bit of water. He still was there.

"You know… If Roy _really_ had to save someone…" he said. _really?_. "It should have been you…"

"What?" I looked at him.

"It shouldn't have been me."

"What makes you say something like that?"

He didn't say anything. And then:

"Maybe I should be going…" He turned around.

"Tell me." I said.

He stopped, looked at me, that pain again…

I wanted to talk to him, to know him. And I just wanted to understand what tormented a man like Dean... Strong, fearless. With those words being written in my mind, I noticed his lips; I remembered the feelings from the dream.

My phone rings. I look for it in my pockets, I look around, I don't see it.

Dean waited, standing there. I get up, went to the small living room attached to the kitchen, leaving Dean behind, and in the middle of the pillows, I found it.

"Hello?"

"Layla, my child, are you okay?"

I walked slowly to the kitchen.

"Yes… Mom?"

"No honey" Laughter." It's aunt Mary!"

"Oh, hey aunt Mary." I smiled.

I looked at Dean, he was waiting. I leaned my body on the kitchen's table, in front of him. Hold my blank tighter.

"Sorry that we are taking so many time, we found Sandy, did you know she is married now? She has twins! Oh God! How the time passes." Then she got quiet for a moment.

Time, that's what I was missing.

"You remember Sandy. Don't you?"

"A little bit…"

"Oh, you know her! She used to play soccer on the street when you came here with your dad in the summer! You know Sandy, the girl with the red hair!"

"Oh…! Sandy! Oh really? That is so good." I was happy for her. I smiled, my aunt couldn't see it, but I couldn't avoid it. "Send her my congratulations."

"I will, honey, I will. I'm sorry you have to wait for us."

"It's okay. I was sleeping."

"Sleeping? Oh I'm sorry I woke you up!"

"It's okay. Where are you?"

"We're at William's! Honey, remember you used to buy you the ice creams here."

"Yes I do." I laughed, rubbed my arm with my free hand, it was cold.

Dean moved, I raised my eyes. He was taking his jacket off.

"Oh good times! Good times…" I sighed, _good times_.

"Yeah."

"Come here with us! You know…" Aunt Mary was laughing. "You know one of the…" Dean was walking towards me. "is…" Laughter "Oh sweaty, just come here with us!"

Dean stoops by my side, and slightly places his jacket in my shoulders, he was so gentle. Like he was afraid to hurt me… I looked at him. Our eyes crossed, on this long, awkward glance. I smiled slightly, thanking him. I hold the jacket with my hand.

"Sorry aunt Mary." I said. Dean stepped back. Leaned his body on kitchen's counter. "But I'm tierd, I am going to sleep now."

"Oh, okay sweety. So, unitll…" She stopped. "Oh look, Sandy is inviting us over tomorrow! Oh no wait, after tomorrow, no Tomorrow, yeah it's tomorrow, 'cause it's Saturday! Dinner. Isn't that great?"

I smiled.

"Tell Sandy I'll be there."

"There's dinner on the frig downstairs. Goodnight sweety. We are going to take a while, 'cause then we are passing by uncle Moe, he called me asking me to go there fix the frig, your mom is coming, oh she wants to talk to you. Have sweet dreams."

"Thank you, aunt Mary."

"Layla?"

"Mom. Hey, how is the night going?" I laughed a little.

"Good. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Just sleeping. I heard you are going to pass by uncle Moe. Send him kisses."

"I will Layla. Take care, I love you my child."

"I know, me too. Bye" I hang up.

I rested the phone in the table. Turned to Dean.

"Thank you." I smiled, sadly.

"Welcome" This little smirk came out.

"But…" I passed my hand on the jacket. "Aren't you cold?"

"No, you can have it."

"I have mine, it's inside. If you…" I started to take it off my shoulders. "are cold."

"I'll only be cold outside. If you want me to go…"

"Not what I meant. My mom is going to take a while."

One side of his mouth, raised, molding this kinky smile. Yeah, what I said was insinuative.

"Well if you insist…" He was getting more comfortable.

"I meant. We could talk…"

He nooded slightly, and looked me in the eyes.

This awkward moment passed by.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"What do you have?"

"Not much." I opened the cabinets.

"Coffe. Tea. And more tea."

"Let it go, I'm fine."

"I am going to drink tea. Are you sure you don't want some?"

"Sorry, but not a tea person."

I smiled.

While I waited for my water to heat, I turned to Dean and asked him:


	7. Chapter 7

**VI**

"Dean…" He looked at me. "Your brother, Sam. Is it just you and him?"

"Yeah, looks so." He said it, sadly.

I looked at him. Maybe I shouldn't have talked about that.

"Me and… Our family." He looks at me. "We kind have this job, that sometimes makes us separate. We… Me and my brother haven't heard from my dad for a while. But, we're fine."

"Does he knows you were sick?" I should have drooped it.

"No."

Our eyes crossed, my mind stopped. This pause passed by. My water stopped boiling, it was hard to look away, and it was also hard to keep looking, I realized he wouldn't say anything else about it, he looked to the tea pot, I felt my eyes freer, my head turned, I took the tea pot of the support.

"You and your mom, seem pretty attached." He said.

"We are. Since my dad died, we…" I felt this sadness…

I made my tea.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok." I smiled.

"My mom died too." His tone was low, almost like he was confessing something.

"I'm sorry too. It's hard to lose someone you love…"

I made myself look at Dean.

He looked up, to the ceiling. It was a _Hell yes._

I forgot what I was saying. I drank my tea. I made a sign with my head to sit down, touched his arm, inviting him.

"I barely remember her…" He was struggling.

"Were you young?"

"I was four."

"I'm sorry. I don't know, what hurts more… I mean at least I got to know my dad, but I imagine… Wondering how would it had been like?." I stroked his arm.

He leaned of, from the counter sighting, we walked to the living room, it wasn't very clean, he looked around, but he didn't even noticed. We sot, Dean supported his body, on his knees, with his elbows. I noticed his arm, and his body angel. I didn't want to sit to close, or too far. With my hand in my tea cup, resting in my lap, I listened to him.

"Sammy, Sam." The word Sammy slipped him. I thought that had been so sweet. "He was six months when she died."

He looked to the floor. He tried to find the words…

"Poor Sam. How did your dad do… after, your mom died?"

"My dad." He smiled with derision. "He… he. He Did the best he could." His eyes crossed me. "To hold the family together. Not easy…"

"I see."

"It was very hard to adapt, you know… Suddently it was just him, Sam and me…" I started to see the emotional side of him. "He was pretty upset. Confused… I remember."

"My dad died with a heart attack." I said. I saw how uncomfortable Dean was getting.

"At least he didn't suffer." He looked me in the eyes.

"I guess." Smiling, I hid the way my eyes were starting to feel.

i drank my tea.

"I was 20, right after Christmas holiday, new year's eve I suppose." I felt my tears building up, inside and out.

"I'm sorry Layla." I couldn't look at him.

Tears. I got up from the couch, wanted to get away, but I couldn't let Dean standing in the living room, while I cried in the bedroom. So, I just walked to the window. Breathed in.

I heard Dean getting up.

"He must had been a great man."

"He was. He was." I realized I could see our reflex in the black window that the dark night had painted in my wall. "You know..." I looked to my tea. "When I was a little girl," I turned around. "he was always the one who would take to the lake, to the mountain, to picknics…." I felt my tears wanting to burst again. "I miss him so much."

Dean walked towards me. I filled my lungs with guts to look up, to him. I wanted him to hug me, But he didn't. I wanted him to say something, but he didn't. I wanted him to comfort me somehow, but he didn't seem to know how. And only God knows, how did I slowly leaned my body forward, and touched his chest. He hold me kindly, his arms were warm, and I felt protected.

I closed my eyes. I tried to make the tears that made my eyes wet go away.

"It will get better." He finally said. "I promise."

"You can't say that."

He said nothing. His hand, he rested in my neck.

After a while, I backed off. The space between us had been filled with something. It didn't fell the rock cold and solid air, anymore, but I felt the effect of the closeness of his body to mine, after my cries and sad memories, it could have been me, the sorrow pushed me down, the weight of many moments fell on me, I wasn't strong enough, I never thought I would ever think it, but I was done pretending…. It was ok, _"There is still time",_ time… Why did I wanted time for? Life? The sorrow I felt in that moment stabed me in many ways, for many reasons. I felt too vulnerable… Though my body hold still, with all that inside. But his body, in this slow, sweet way, curved to me, our eyes hadn't lost track of each other. Invisible chains arrested me to him, I couldn't even blink, our bodies got so close, and then…This tear bursted, I sobbed, and I saw my tea cup again. The chains weren't so strong anymore, it was like… A door had been open and a window had been close. One thing or another… That lost moment, it was something, and when anything happens, it may not seem so, but it changes everything. That's how I felt.

Glad, I though I was, glad that that tear had bursted, and glad our eyes hadn't keept on track of each other, and in part sad, that the chain had been broken. But, one thing I sure didn't want to, was spoil the sharing moment we have had, with a carnal desire full, of weakness. The weakness I didn't want to fell, the weakness I could have been drowning in him…

Dean cleared his throat, our bodies went apart, is hands slipped out of my back, I passed him touched his shoulder with no intention, rested the tea cup on the living room's table. I looked at him, hold his jacket that I had forgotten had been resting in my shoulders. Breathed in…

"Dean…"

"Hum?" He turned.

"Do… Do you…" I passed my hand in this blond hank, and then crossed my arms, pushing the jacket in my shoulders closer. "Ever feel, like your mom." I paused, observing him. "Is around…?"

He looked at me for a long time.

"It gets better."

I wanted to smile, but I couldn't. He gave a step towards me.

"Believe me, it does."

He walked a few more.

"It takes a while. But it does." Now he was close again.

"Define while."

He licked his lips, hesitating.

"Whatever your definition of while is."

As an answer I nodded slightly. Huged my own body.

"How did it happen?"

I set on the couch, leaving enough space, so he could sit next to me.

"Happened what?"

"How did your mom died?"

His body got stiff. His eyes traveled away, and he sot down. He sot down, the exact same he had the first time, elbows on the knees, forming the strong body angel. But this time he sot closer.

"My mom… She died in one of the most horrible ways, for one of the worse reasons." He said.

I didn't know what to think.

"She died on a fire."

I observed him, he looked down, just like the last time, something bothered him. He scratched his face.

"Our house. I'm the one who carried Sam out." His eyes, started to get wet.

He looked at me.

"I remember that day. I remember the smell, the lights, the firemen. You know… My dad tried to save my mom, but he couldn't. It was too late."

"I'm sorry…" I passed my hand on dean's hair.

I was surprised that he smirked.

"The worse was not the day, the worse was after…"

"It always is…"

I sighted. My hand slipped slowly from his neck, and I rested it on my lap.

"I like to think they are in a better place…" I said, on low voice, scared, and hopeless.

I stared at my hands know. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. But I didn't say anything… When I felt brave enough I looked up. And he was looking, at me. We glanced. And that was enough…

I guess, it was both's fault. Both vulnerable, both needy. Both sitting and talking for a reason. I don't remember quite how it happened, I just knew the only thing that keeped me from going closer to him, try to make him mine, was the small, unclear thought that my mom could come throw that door, and that since I had become a believer there were sacrifices.

We were kissing. Under the dark night, under the right and above the wrong… I felt divided, tempted… He put his hand on my neck, I rested mine in his shoulder, our bodies touched…

There were rules…

So, I made myself stop the wrong human pleasure, that in that moment I questioned has wrong. It didn't fell completely right, but wrong? How, wrong?

"Dean…" I said.

I had to have a reason to make him stop, but I didn't have any… My eyes denounced me.

Dean stroked my face, pulling back a blond hank with his finger.

My lips touched his lips corner, just in this smooth touch, like a caress. With my eyes closed, I felt his breath, it was pleasant, felt safe. He hugged me, without trapping me too much, not to close, or too far. I leaned my forehead in his face, then my check… I slipped to his neck. I drowned my face in his shoulder.

I smiled…

After a while, I opened my eyes. I saw a necklace hanging. I touched it, with my finger.

"It means something, doesn't it?"

He hold it on his hand. And I wanted to see his face.

"My brother… He gave it to me."

"You really love your brother don't you?" It was rhetorical.

I smiled, and caressed his face. He turned his face, and his lips touched my palm. He slightly kissed them, on this sweet, slow… I saw the way his lips moved… I moved my hand to his hair. We got so close… I kissed him first… Closer, stronger, less innocent and less right.

That reminded me of reasons, apparently I had forgotten… And that I wished I hadn't remembered.

Our bodies started to lean. Mine leaning back. His leaning forward.

Flashes from my dream passed my body, feelings, sensations, images. I felt myself submitting…

I just swerved my face, to the side, his lips hitted my lip's corner. And there he stopped.

Maybe it was my faith, that made me stop, cause in that moment. And to be true to myself, that was the last thing I wanted to. To stop.

We looked at each other and in the same slight move, we sot straight. My hand never left his neck. I wasn't going to make the moment go. I still wanted him around.

I felt the attraction, my heart beating faster… I felt the vulnerability, that I didn't want to. I filled my lips with words, rather than filling it with sin.

"Dean. Why did you come to Roy?"

He keept silent for a while.

"You already know…"

"Yeah, but I mean… Why, did you, had, to come…?"

"You mean, how did I got sick?"

I nodded so slightly, so distractively. I wondered if he had noticed. He looked away.

"Heart problems…"

It was about the last thing I expected to hear. Dean was young.

"Heart problems? How… ?" I was completely surprised.

He nodded yes, and bit his lower lip.

"Work." He smirked. "Me and my brother were in this job. And I don't know quite how…" He looked at me, I was closer than I thought. "The doctors say it was probably the shock, I can't remember. But, I got electrocuted. They said, I would hardly make trough the month. I own my life, to my brother."

"And Roy…"

He said nothing. I felt it again. I felt the damn cold solid rock, building againg. Invisible.

"Dean don't you believe Roy can heal people?"

"Then, how is he doing it?"

I observed him, we were going apart… Physically. Mentally. Spiritually…

"God…" I said, and I smiled. "Don't you believe in God, Dean?"

He licked his lip. He didn't turn his face, but his eyes disconnected.

"Good question."

I was disappointed. I felt so alone…

"I understand." He muttered. "Why people believe in God. But…"

He was looking to the floor. Without realizing, I moved my hand from his neck. He looked down.

"Why…?"

"Nothing…"

I sighted. That wasn't an answer…

"You said… Back then, at the tent, that you had seen what evil does to good people."

Our eyes shocked. His look almost sacred me, so intense, it was…

"Layla… I wish would never have to explain that to you."

A million thoughts passed through my head, like clouds on a lonely night. What could have happened?

"You are scaring me…"

"Sorry."

"Don't be…"

I pushed myself closer, our knees hit. Our hands touched, and I hold his, as a response he hold mine.

We both started at them for a while.

"I am sorry Layla, I should go…"

He started to get up. My hands were left alone in my lap, and I felt betrayed.

When he is standing, I look at him, I get up fastly, when I realize what he was waiting for… His jacket.

I pulled it off my shoulders, and hold it against him, giving back his belonging.

"Thank you." I said, smiling. I wanted to say something else. Didn't know what to.

I couldn't denied, how is words were unusual and even suspicious. He had scared me. I wanted him to stay around for a little bit more, but thoughts shocked me, with images that I felt that possible and deniable. My head and my heart fighted each other. I looked into his eyes, I didn't see anything that could be called evil mixed with all that green, but who knows. I also something else, I saw pain. I saw that he didn't want to left, or felt to uncomfortable to… I got confused. I saw so many things, but I saw nothing.

I passed him, walked until the kitchens counter and watched him put his jacket on. I realized I wasn't cold anymore. I hugged my body. He walked towards me, stop in front of me, and looked like wanted to say something too awkward.

"So, Dean…" I wanted to say his full name.

He was looking at me waiting me to continue.

"Dean…Dean-something…"

"Winchester" He said, just like that. I smiled anyways.

"Dean Winchester. Pleasure to meet you."

"Well, Layla…"

"Rourke, I said before he would have times to make the sentence until that awkward moment.

"Layla Rourke. Nice to meet you too."

Has he spoke I raised my hand to his check, and stroked it with my fingers, he left his hands in his pockets. It remembered me my dream.

The phone in my pocket rang. I answered it, quickly, because it called me for reality. I was falling in temptention again, and I wasn't even realizing it.

"Yes."

"Layla" Mom.

"Hi mom."

"Did I wake you up honey?" I could hear the car moving.

"No, I was awake."

"Child, we are almost home. Ten minutes."

"Are you feeling alone? I am sorry hon…"

"It's ok mom!" I interrupted.

"Ok then. Layla see you in a while. Bye." She hang up.

I saved my phone.

Dean had already got far from my body. I sighted and smiled to him.

He cleared his throat.

I walked to the door. He followed me, opening the door, and stepping outside.

"See you around" He said. "I guess."

I leaned on the door frame, looking at him. We glanced… I was getting cold. I got closer, and closer, without loosing his eyes. I could see his beard growing. Instinctively I looked at his lips, parted, but I breathed in, and kissed him on his check. He hugged me, I hugged him. I felt his body warm. I laid my head on his chest. There I stood for a while, the wind blowed, and I lifted my face and my hand to his neck, molding it to his jaw. I kissed him again, on the check, with nostalgia growing inside of me.

He left. I watched him, get down the stairs, get in the car, and disappear into the dark road…

9


End file.
